NASIBA DREAMS

Note (2026): I began writing this series years ago. Since then, I stepped away to understand and strengthen my self-esteem through real life. I am continuing this series now with deeper clarity.

2:00 AM. I am in my bed, staring into the dimly lit bedroom ceiling. My head throbbing from all the crying. My eyes red as can be. “Why is this happening, Oh, Allah”?

It was only yesterday, my heart was jumping with joy. My feet were on the move. Laughter echoing in the room as my children played with their father.

But all of a sudden, I felt as though, a rug was pulled right under me, falling into a hole of unknown origin.

I spent the next few weeks, weeping and crying to my lord. In my heart of heart, I knew there was a divine decree and wisdom wrapped in these moments. Allah had in his infinite mercy brought me closer to him. Yet, there was a signal that alerted me to a deeper problem within me.

Have you ever felt, in your entire life, as though you haven’t truly valued and known your worth? No matter, how many times, you tried to fight the doubts, insecurity, and lack of self-esteem. You kept coming back to the same place.

I know I have. Since my childhood, I have had a constant uphill battle with self-esteem. I grew up in a blessed family, whom by Allah’s will, were mentally and emotionally strong individuals. But unfortunately, I was the odd one.

Being around them, you would think their traits would rub off on me. But sadly it didn’t. Instead, it enlarged the reflection of the low self-esteem within me.

 And slowly, low self-esteem became a vicious cycle in my life. A lack of self-esteem led to a lack of friends, which then led me back to square one. So I cocooned away and hid behind a shy, introverted exterior.

But that is not all the destruction it brought my way.

Lack of self of esteem didn’t only make me feel doubtful and insecure. But it created unwanted feelings of comparison, ingratitude, and envy. All of which made me pessimistic in life.

I began to develop over-sensitivity to the slightest provocations. I couldn’t be teased except that I would be in tears and replay it in my mind for days on end.

And then, over time I began to internalize that this is, in fact, my nature and personality. There is no way to fight this. It is me and who I am.

But truth is I just gave up. There didn’t seem to be a way out.

Fast forward to now, with more maturity, and knowledge. I think I have come to understand this concept a whole lot better. There are so many different things that play into and/or affect our level of self-esteem. And most importantly, there is neither a fast fix nor a permanent fix. But rather, a constant work that I believe gets easier with time.

I am not on the other side yet, however, I know now more than ever that reaching the other side is highly possible and attainable.

So if you can relate to this plight, I think we will become best of friends! And I have hope that you and I can kick this horrible monster off our beautiful and amazing life!

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…”

(Qur’an, 2:286).

So if Allah knows we can handle it, WE CAN HANDLE IT. By Allah’s will.

The mission is to

So I welcome you to join me on this journey. Whether we walk, crawl or climb. As long as we are inching away from this dead end, that neither leads us nor takes us anywhere.

In my upcoming post, Insha’Allah, I will discuss the first step that I plan on taking! So stay tuned!